Carpe Diem

Seize the day. I find myself in a bit of a quandary. I want to grab life by the horns, and to live everyday as if it were my last. Yet for some odd reason I'm increasingly falling into a straight boring habit and I'm more then ever concerned about the future. When did this all happen?

It seems like I do the same things day in and day out. Nothing is changing, nothing is exciting. Gone are the days, where on the spur of the moment I would be off having some crazy adventure. Gone are the days that I could drop everything and go party. Part of the that is my own fault. I've just gotten lazy, and put myself in a place where I would worry to much if I did. You might call that responsibility, but why do I need that? I don't have kids, I don't have a house payment. All I got to worry about is myself. And it's not only that I don't go do anything different, it's that everything I do is planned out, and if it's not planned I don't do it. It's like all of a sudden I've become a slave to scheduling. And I don't know how, or why it's gotten to that point.

I've also become obsessive about budgeting money. I have to know where every dollar is going, why it's going there, and what I can do to make sure less is being spent. Why is that? I really don't make all that much money, but I make enough to pay the bills, and have a little left over. What's the point of being so anal about it and being scarred about some future happening? Especially since I'm not making enough right now to be a huge factor in that future event.

I don't know. Maybe living on my own is making me see things in a different light. I know saving and budgeting is important and I accept that. I just want to break the habitual nature and get life to be one thrill after the next. But then doesn't everyone want that?